When I was ten years old, I couldn't wait to be an adult. I'm sure many of my readers can say the same. I used to go to sleep at night, snuggled up with my pet cat, Tiara, whispering in her little cat ear that when I grew up, I was going to have my own house, and my own kids, and I was NOT going to get married. I never wanted to be married because I didn't want anyone else being able to tell me what I could and could not do. I promised Tiara I would let her sleep in my bed every night for the rest of our lives, and I would only feed her tuna fish and milk. I made even more promises that I would never make my kids do homework, go to the dentist, or have an early bed time. I swore I would let them eat ice cream for every meal if they wanted, and I would never ground them for not cleaning their rooms or misbehaving in school.
I honestly thought school was a way to trick kids into thinking we needed to know all this stuff when we grew up, so that we would think our parents had it so hard and we would do what they told us to. The adults just wanted to make sure they kept control of the whole world and I wasn't falling for it.
Disregard all the toys I had, or the nice home we lived in, and the fact my father took us to school every morning and my mother picked us up every single day for the entire twelve years I attended school in the same district. And who cares about the fact we had a pool, go kart, Disney Channel (back when you had to have a NASA sized satellite in your front yard), and we never went without anything. Those kids who were jealous I went to Space Camp in the 6th grade, and who thought I was "lucky" because my grandfather had an airplane we flew in when we went to visit him at his lake house, had no idea the trauma I was suffering in my life by having to do my homework and be in bed by 9:00pm. Life as a 10 year old girl in my house was truly horrible.... or so I thought at the time.
Fast forward to now. I am a 35 year old woman, married to a man who helps with the kids and house, works a full time corporate job, and still tells me he loves me daily. Don't worry, Ill get to the part where you will all quit saying "What in the world is the problem with this woman? She's got it made!"
I have two children, a son aged 11 in the 5th grade and a daughter aged 6 in the 1st grade. Both of them are very kind hearted, smart kids. I have a miniature maltipoo, a fluffy white dog that gets excited to see us every time we pass by her, and despite the fact she can't help but tinkle on the floor in her excitement, we are happy to rub her belly or toss a ball for her.
I drive a newer luxury car, live in a decent sized home with a beautiful lake at the end of our street. I work full time as a graphic designer, professional aerial photographer and marketing specialist for three companies that are all confusingly related. A few times a month I get to fly in helicopters and operate the nose mounted camera systems, or hang out the door taking pictures with my digital camera. The rest of the time I sit in my very own big office with huge windows, doing all of the graphic design and marketing work for two talk radio shows, one is a nationally syndicated aviation show, the other is a local lifestyle show that I was just given the honor of reformatting to appeal more to women and moms.
I have what can only be described as the best relationship possible with my family. My father, a Pilot, is my hero, best friend, and one of the few people I talk to just about every day. I forgot to mention I'm also a student helicopter pilot. My father is a flight instructor and along with my two younger brothers, he is teaching us to fly helicopters and airplanes and we will all three be licensed private pilots soon.
My mother and I are very close too. If there's anyone in this world I feel I can trust and confide in, its her. She has the kindest heart, can be brutally honest when you need it, and is always there for me and anyone else in my family anytime we need her. I also talk to her just about everyday. She is one of the strongest, sweetest, most wonderful women I know.
I'm blessed to have a woman I can truly call my best friend, I joke that she's my adopted sister, as we are as close as two friends can be without being related. It's not easy finding someone who shares the same personality as I do, and I've found that in her.
Along with all of these people, I have a network of friends and family I am very blessed to have. To top it all off, and you will definitely think I'm crazy after this statement, I am blessed beyond words to be able to call my ex-husband's wife, one of my closest friends. Yes, you heard me right, my husband and I are close friends with my ex and his wife. That's another story I will share later.
So, your thinking "Seriously, you wrote this whole thing just to brag about your perfect life, screw you!". But, Hold On, I'm going somewhere with this, stick with me.
Now that I've typed all of that out, you're right, it does all sound like a storybook fairytale, wrapped in an adventure novel. I can see how people who only know me well enough to see the obvious would think things are perfect. But I'm going to open up the door on my life and let you in on the details you won't see hidden behind all of those facts.
First of all, let me share that I'm a creative person, resulting a complete inability to be organized, ever be on time for anything (unless you lie to me and tell me I have to be there 30min before I really do), and, although I'm not ADD contrary to what some believe, I have a hard time staying focused on one task at a time. My brain is too busy thinking about all of the other great ideas that go along with whatever thing I'm working on at that moment......SQUIRREL!
Come on, you all know that joke.
I must admit, I can come up with some pretty amazing things, I just have a hard time implementing any of them. The perfect job for me would one where I could just come up with great ideas all day, and them pass them on to others to implement. But then again, I'm also really bad at conveying my ideas and often get frustrated at others attempts to help me implement them, I end up taking over, become so wrapped up in the details that I adjust and change it up so many time, I get frustrated, walk away.....and well....that's the end of that idea.
As a Mom and a Wife, this aspect of my personality is incredibly hard for my husband and children. I'm a poor planner, and very much a last minute person. I do get credit for always getting things done when they need to get done, and I get them done well. To my husband, who is very much a planner, organizer, and A to B type person, this drives him crazy! Friday night, 6pm and I'm letting him know "Hey, by the way....we're going to drive 250 miles to visit my parents in the morning!" and No, I haven't packed a thing! In my world, that's perfectly logical. To him, its stress and chaos. If we need groceries, I don't like going to the store and buying a weeks worth of meals, I prefer to run in, get what we need that night and go home. This is killing our budget, his patience and in the long run our relationship. my marriage has become very much a test of his ability to want to stay married to me. I know this, I see this, and I try to change it, problem is....I'm back to the issue of having ideas on how to change and improve, going in to many directions, burning out in frustration and giving up back to my old ways. But, my husband is an amazing man who chooses to love the good things I bring to the marriage and feels they out weight my chaos.
For my kids, this is the part that is hardest for me. My son is 11 and needs structure, guidance and discipline. I know this, and I want to be able to give this to him. I struggle with this all the time. I try, I truly do. The problem is, he's smart! He has, over the years, figured his mommy out! He knows how much him and his sister mean to me, and how I would do anything the world demands of me to give them a safe, happy, healthy, loving home. He also knows about one of my other faults, one I don't like to admit to, and one that it hurts me to even type it out. I will, with great pain and reluctance admit... I have a short temper and even shorter patience. I don't erupt into screaming rages, throwing things, yelling and being mean. I don't even spank my kids, the worst they have seen is my "mad face" pointing at the time out corner, when they see that face, they know it's time to listen. It only took a couple of times of mom yelling and slamming the bathroom door so I could scream at the shower walls for them to figure that out. I learned from a blog just like this one, that it's best to yell at the shower wall, to date, it's worked. I will admit, I have yelled a few times. You can only say "Get your backpacks its time to go" four or five times directly to your kids, knowing they heard you and chose not to listen, before you yell "GET YOUR BAGS! LETS GO!". This always ends with two upset kids, heads hung down, stomping to the car, followed by mom getting in the car, getting half way to school feeling like a total butt head, and apologizing to the kids for yelling. Which results in the kids thinking "Mom apologized, we can ignore her again, it was all her fault". I'm no pshycologist, but that's my theory.
So back on track. My 11 year old son is smart! He uses my faults to control our household. Depending on what he wants, he will start off with being super nice, hugs, compliments ect. then when I have to say no to whatever it was, we move onto the whining. OH, the whining! I'll take nails on a chalkboard or any other nerve destroying sound over the whining of an 11 year old boy! At this point I'm on the edge of what I can take. Most of the time I'll point out he's 11 and this is ridiculous. Bad move! I should know better. That leads to crying, which leads to my frustration, leading to threats to take away his beloved video games. BOOM! That was the atomic bomb that is my son, blowing up then melting down. Now we have progressed to laying on the floor, head in his hands (I think he practiced this one in the mirror to see how bad he could make it look for anyone who may be an audience to it.) crying, repeating over and over "Its not fair, I didn't do it! She did it!", she being his sister, it's always her fault. Keep in mind, I never said I accused him of anything at this point. By this time, my temper and patience are shot. I'm headed to the bathroom and the shower wall is about to get an ear full! I calm down the best I can, walk back into the room and WHAM, take that mom! Here come's the aftershock. At this point he's almost the same size as me, and his room is on the second floor. I threaten to carry him up the stair, but he knows better, so I pick him up, and half drag him to his room while he walks making sure to lean into it just enough to put his weight on me so I'll know he is getting heavy. We make it to his room, and I tell him to stay there till he calms down. He stands at the threshold of the door yelling, crying, and making sure the entire house knows he is mad.
I walk away.
Rewind all of this to the beginning, and I can tell you one of two facts.
1. I don't even know why this whole thing started, I said no to something simple, normally something like "Can I have a Coke" or "Can I have a friend over". On a school night the answer is and always will be "No" to these common questions.
2. He has no idea why he is mad at this point. He forgot long ago but once he gets started, it won't end till he feels like he has won. But, in the end, usually an hour to half hour later, hugs are given, we share apologize and its all over.
Scenario #2: I pick them up from the babysitter after work, we get home, he asks the same question I answered "No" to in the above scenario, but this time, I say "Yes" because I'm just too damn tired to go through all of that, and he knows it. Result: 11 year old plays video games, skips homework, and goes to bed 30 min late, not without a small fight about it, but he goes to bed. Most days, Scenario number 2 wins, although I rarely let homework go undone, I usually do have to fight that fight. But regardless, I've officially lost control of my house because he's found my weak spot.
So where is my daughter in all of this. Well, she's the polar opposite of my son, but learning quickly from him. Right now she loves school, loves to get up early and get dressed all pretty for school mornings are easy. Except brushing her naturally curly hair, she must have a hair bow and her hair done everyday, but despite the fact if she's distracted I won't hear a single peep from her while I brush her hair, most days she is happy to provide me with tears and screaming that the tangles hurt her head. We own every no tangle spray and every no tangle, tangle free brush on the market. If you can suggest something, please use the contact box below!
After school is another story. The minute she's in my car, she swears the school and the babysitter have denied her food all day. Despite the fact there are no stores or food anywhere in the nearby vicinity, the crying and holding her stomach and moaning won't stop, even if I promise to stop and get something. Then we move onto the "Im Hot! Roll down the window" some days I will turn on the A/C or crack the window. But even if its -20 outside she likes to pull this one. Why? Because her brother hates being cold! It drives him crazy! If all else fails, its time to sling her backpack onto her brothers side of the car, making sure to hit him in the face in the process. I've fixed this problem by keeping goldfish in the glove box....but as luck would have it, she no longer likes her old favorite goldfish crackers.
Once home, Ill put down my stuff, and as much as my feet and legs want to sit on the couch, I head to the kitchen. This is where my whole "Hate to grocery shop" kicks my butt. We have food, but of course, nothing they want. So I walk out, leaving her standing in the walk in pantry. Eventually she will pick something, usually something requiring cooking or prep. I normally give in, cook it and move on to attend to her brother, who has by this time started his daily routine of pushing my buttons just to see how far he can go.
I finally sit on the couch, and that when they hear the stuffing in the couch give way under by butt and my sign of relief to finally sit down. That's their cue to start fighting with each other! At this point, 'm beat. We retire upstairs, to find the dog has crapped all over the floor because someone left the gate open because the dog is not allowed upstairs. Come to think of it, I was wondering why the dog didn't greet us with a puddle of excited pee at the door. Now I know why.
I finally get everyone happy, settled, dog poop cleaned, call my hubby to bring home dinner and sit down again. A half hour later, the hubby is home. He's tired, frustrated from his 63 mile high traffic commute and because of my lack of planning and organization, I've forgotten about homework! Now he's helping the one that likes school, I'm struggling to get the other one to do anything homework related. By the time it's done, we are both beat, irritated and just ready for bed. Food and Baths for the kids, tuck them in and its off to bed for the hubby and I. We don't talk much. It's safer at this point to just turn on the TV pull out the phones, spend way to much time on Facebook, realize its 11:45 at night, say a quick "I Love You" and fall asleep. We both know we will be up in 30min anyways, once the kids sense we have fallen asleep they are destined to scream for a glass of water. Waking up the other one who gets mad they were woken up, resulting in an argument that eventually sends us all to bed grumpy. Once more we zone out on Facebook or Reddit on our phones, and fall asleep. Tomorrow we will do it all over again.
PS I didn't even tell you about work or how the school called! And just wait till I tell you about all the extra Drama that like to slap me in the face!
But in the end. I love my family! Im blessed to have them, and I know I will figure this out. Im not a bad mom. Im just learning and doing the best I can. In the end, my kids are healthy, safe, loved and well taken care of and my husband knows Im crazy but he loves me anyways!
